According to Mersino, “…leaders of all types need to control themselves and manage their emotions. They cannot afford to let their emotions overtake them and dictate their behavior or they will find they aren’t leading anyone very long” (2007). If the purpose of a personal development plan is to ensure a successful and gratifying life then the first step is to increase the ability to control anger. This is easily said than done and therefore the best way to proceed is to come up with a plan – a personal development plan with regards to anger management.
Adele Lynn (2000) remarked that there are proven techniques that can help a person steer clear of trouble and these are listed as follows: a) pause; b) breath; and c) move. A person struggling with anger will do very well to take a pause, a deliberate stopping of all action and speech. Then he must go the second stage of the strategy and it is to breathe slowly. After all of that there must a deliberate movement like adjusting one’s tie, combing ones hair, or by simply walking away would allow the person to shift gears and allow the mind more time to process the situation and therefore delaying a negative reaction.
Aside from doing all the above-mentioned techniques, one of the major key to understanding about anger management or developing strategies regarding anger management is to understand that root cause of anger is a flawed value judgment system. This means that a person is angry because he believes that an individual or a group of individuals is deliberately trying to make life harder for him or her. For instance it is easy to shout at a person behind a fast food counter if we believe that he is wasting our time.
One way to do this is to do the anger management steps described earlier or one could also change one’s perspective and enjoy life and not to be in a perpetual time saving mode. The Plan Based on the preceding discussion it is very clear that EQ is much desirable than IQ. A high IQ will ensure at least a good job but a high EQ will ensure a happy life. It is imperative therefore to increase ones EQ and in my particular case there is work to be done on the area of anger management. For me a personality development plan must include the learning of a desirable skill, the ability to control my temper.
This is achievable by knowing how the human mind and body works. It has been discussed that when a person is angry the brain switches to the “primitive” area and triggers a fight or flight response. In the case of my experience with personal outburst I can attest that in most cases I would rather fight than take the easy way out. There is therefore a need to master the ability to delay the onset of anger. This is achieved by following. In a situation when I feel that I am about to blow my top, I should immediately pause.
Take a moment to gather my thoughts. Just simply stop what I was doing or thinking. But instead of stopping every voluntary muscle movement I should begin to take a deep breath. According to expert the pause and the deep breathing will allow my body to relax and instead of flooding my system with adrenaline and whatever bodily hormones or chemicals that usually comes out when there is a flight or fight situation, the body will change gears. Instead of using the primitive part of the brain, the body will shift to the more rational part of the brain.
This will allow me to think rationally and begin to see the situation from a different perspective. Finally, I will do a deliberate movement. I prefer a combination of combing my hair and the readjustment of my tie (if I am wearing one) and then it is only after these steps that I will open my mouth to say something. This three step movement will make it difficult for the person in front of me to guess that I am in an anger management mode. But most of all it will allow me to diffuse the tension and the anger so that I will not do something that I will regret for the rest of my life.
Conclusion It is really ironic looking at how the world has given premium to IQ. Parents are scrambling to give the best education, spending thousands of dollars to send their kids to the best schools and buying all kinds of educational tools etc. But then the kids turn out to be mediocre. On the other hand there are those who went to public schools and had to struggle all the way to graduation and yet they are well adjusted and able to perform well both in public and private life. The main difference is EQ, not IQ.
Furthermore it must be realized that a major component of EQ is anger management, the ability not to get angry quickly. The three steps movement of taking a pause, taking a deep breathe, and doing a deliberate act should greatly help in diffusing anger within me.
Lynn, A. (2005). The EQ Difference: A Powerful Program for Putting Emotional Intelligence to Work. New York: AMACOM. Mersino, A. (2007). Emotional Intelligence for Project Managers. New York: AMACOM. Pfeiffer, R. (2004). Real Solution Anger Management Workbook. New York: Growth Central Publishing.